Well. Its been two years since I’ve posted here. Guess I really haven’t had the inspiration to write for awhile.
My last post, as I read it, definitely reflects a very reactive mind of mine…while there are some valid points, I see myself just pointing out problems, obstacles, symptoms.
Its been interesting here. Lots of good things, amidst an encroaching loneliness compounded by lack of ability to move physically very far away. This town is pretty far from anywhere but Phoenix, or Vegas. But we know what those towns are about.
An intention to quit pretending I can drink like I did in my twenties has been set. I am building a good set of comrades that are supportive, and reciprocate to my feelings, ideas…and make me feel loved.
Readiness is a motivation. My son is, too. Health is wealth, right? It really truly is. Being able to experience pain, loss, love, joy, confusion, while being as present as one can be is a gift we shouldn’t push back with substances or habits. This is all part of the motivation(s) I see for myself. This is part of the life I choose to experience and live. With a full, bruised, damaged, but functional heart.
Nothing profound, just some reassurances to myself. These writings are proof to myself, digital evidence, clay pottery left in the 0’s and 1’s.
Wrapping up this month’s theme- Mind/Body connection and thankfulness:
Wearing my prayer/meditation beads as a reminder to be mindful and detached. I’m kinda’ visual and need reminding as my mind wanders into murky waters often from PTSD and other issues. I know others that have the same issues, so I hope you can relate. I am smiling a lot, intentionally. I am pausing before speaking. I am thankful for simply being, and not in immediate need. I am building myself so I can be strong enough to walk with others through their life and perceived struggles…and real struggles. I always hate it when conscious-types try to talk about “THE ACTUAL END OF SUFFERING!!!” —its ridiculous. Suffering exists- and its not going anywhere. Without going into a long explanation of that, I’d like to say that this month has been up and down, like many months. I need to see my way past it and try to level it off to a degree, because no ones life is that mundane, except prisoners. Prisoners of money and actual prisoners. 😀
I’ve been putting into daily practice meeting pain with compassion…changing my relationship to greed, hatred, delusion…it makes so much more room for joy….more room to meet pain with compassion…
It Leaves room for non-attached appreciation, room for being connected to each other without clinging each other makes life easier- maybe even more pleasant.
If you think you need pleasant sights, sounds, smells, etc….you’re fucked at least half of the time….maybe more. Breaking that belief, you don’t have to suffer about the fact that a lot of the time it doesn’t sound ‘sound right’…’smell right’…’taste right’…’feel right’….
Breaking our addiction to everything being ‘pleasant’ and we learn to meet that ‘unpleasant’ with compassion, responding with mercy, forgiveness…THEN NOBODY CAN RUIN YOUR DAY. Ever again. EVERYTHING becomes an opportunity for practice: “Oh, my arm hurts…interesting….”
Off this merit out in all directions, share it…commit to your own awakening, be engaged in compassionate action, be part of a solution.
Killing innocents is messed up..and when you go in depth to people’s “story” it really shows WHY people do the stuff they do. I feel for the guy, but if he was this angry, there are far better ways to get his goals accomplished….look at the comment votes on big sites like CNN…what does that tell you? I dunno, public opinion seems to be shifting towards a general distrust of cops (yeah, surprising, right?) and even thought this guy is/can not ever be lauded as a hero, it seems a lot of the public are behind his motives…maybe not his methods.
You visit the following link (Christopher Jordan Dorner’s manifesto) was found by googling it, you click it on yer’ own behalf, or whateva’.
Not really into the sensationalism, but speculation is easy with this case. So very glad the little innocent one is safe.
GPR + EMP in use, for sure. Ground Penetrating radar, so they can see whats goin’ on…..And a localized Electromagnetic Pulse device/weapon. Afterward, a well-placed 60mm cannon shot through the ground will take care of him & likely create an acoustic concussion with the kid. Quite simple, given time. Money+Tech+Time=victory.
I like to think about these things, I’m insterested in the mechanics of how the piggies and feds do things. Authorities are always capable of noble acts, of course, but I still overall believe, without going in depth, that they are the enemy. I’d like to go further in depth about my beliefs and the data that backs it, but thas’ for another time.